Master Ninja I

Master Ninja I

Previous Experiment Next Experiment

Theater Rating:

Host Segment Rating:

Indoctrinationability: Poor

Episode: I love the song at the end and during the end credits on this episode! It's hilarious and it actually sounds pretty good. Jim Mallon CAN sing, in a super high falsetto even! Well provide a background anyway. But we already knew this from Pod People. Timothy Van Patten is ripe for the picking on as he unintelligibly mumbles his lines and slurs his words. Sad, really.

Movie: Master Ninja I is NOT a movie! It's two episodes of a failed series shown back to back pretending to be a movie by consolidating the credit sequences! Film Ventures International is EVIL! EEEEEEVIIIILLL!!! When I think of all the money, time and effort that went into writing, producing, airing, repackaging and marketing this piece of flotsam, I yawn.

Intro: The bots make a model car out of some junk. Gypsy quotes Bruce Springsteen, Joel wants to know who taught her that.

Invention Exchange: The mads invent Boil in a bag intravenous dinners, who says a comma, can't be delicious? Some of the flavors available? Hearty Irish stew with cubed lamb. And other really off the wall foods.

Joel invents pop-up versions of popular novels. Crow makes one for Naked Lunch but the decide they're not going to open it.

Host Segments: Crow reveals a conspiracy... The Van Patten Project, where Dick “Don Vito Corleone” Van Patten is involved in a plan to place an annoyingly bad actor (Preferably one of his own “hellish drop”) in every B-grade movie in Hollywood. Crow goes on and on, and doesn't have a point to make at all so Joel takes him off to the side for a little tune-up.

The bots and Joel each have their own theme music (Like the characters in the movie) and they have a theme music battle.

Joel and the bots come up with new “Chuck” ideas... Spiced Rum chuck, Nun-Chucks, Up-chucks, Chuck Wooleries… tee hee! Pretty funny!

Conclusion: Joel and the bots create a rap song, Crow is doing percussion, Tom is doing a Wakachika wakachika, Gypsy is background vocals and Joel is reading a letter to the beat.

Frank is killing Dr. Forrester with a pillow. Then pushes the button

Book: Doesn't say much about this episode, shares a page with the next one.

Favorite Lines:

::Scene opens up, we see a waterfront and hear seagulls, then Timothy does a Voice over::
Tim: Hi, I'm Max Collough...
Joel (As Max): I'm a Seagull.

::Demi Moore hops into Tim's van and urges him to take off ASAP in her raspy voice::
Tom(As Tim): Do you need a lozenge or something?

Favorite Observations:

Joel (regarding Lee Van Cleefe): He looks like one of Jim Henson's rats!

::Lee jumps up and kicks a beam in bar he's in resulting in the ceiling collapsing::
Joel: Oh, it started falling before he kicked it!!

Personal Note: Man did this movie ever bug me! I remember the day I saw it very clearly. It was a Saturday morning, I made myself some soup for breakfast and had to keep going to the kitchen, I just stopped pausing the movie when I had to leave the room, it was so horrible! If these people can make a movie and make some money at it, perhaps I should look into movie making. It wasn't long before Master Ninja just became background noise, probably a defense mechanism in my brain. Still it beats the alternative which was, what? I think the superbowl or something? Hmmm.