Unfortunately, most of the time that we venture out onto the Infobahn, the trip to any worthwhile destination ends up being a long one, with many people sitting in traffic. It doesn't help much when one is driving a Yugo over a bumpy road to get there. These are the conditions that I must face every day on the Internet, in an effort to toss my $0.02 into the inky void of the Internet every week on the beleagured 14.4 modem that brings the world into the den, however slowly.
One of my friends is running a whole Web site on a Mac with a 28.8K modem that stays connected all the time. From what he says, this site will spit out data at the going rate for Internet servers. On this site is housed the Web site for the Explorer post with which I have spent countless weekends trudging through the Cascades in the bad weather that strangely seems to follow us on all of our outings. You can check out the site here. you can judge for yourself whether or not a site running off a 28.8 modem can keep up with the T1s and ISDN connections out there.
If you're like me, and you're also still trying to cruise the Net on a long outdated 14.4 modem, what a long, strange journey it is when you try to get out on the Net. People have been known to fall asleep for several years waiting for a Web page to load, and then wake up to find it about half done. It doesn't help when your modem is only taking the page in at a snail's pace. It's inconcievable that just a few short years ago, one could still get away with a 2400 baud modem (maybe even a 1200 or less if they were of somehwat less than normal sanity.) Back when I got my first 386, it was equiped with one of these 2400 baud dinosaurs. Suddenly, this Internet thing catches on, and you might as well go donate your 2400 baud modem to a museum somewhere (with the existing numbers of these things, a museum of modern art may be willing to buy the things in bulk and find some interesting use for the things. Maybe they could use all of these AOL disks in their sculptures.) It is no longer fashionable to use the term "Baud" (I mean, who would take you seriously if you told them you have a 28,800 baud modem?) Not long after the 28.8s came to dominate the market, you could add a few 14.4 modems to the pile, by which time you might have enough for a nice bonfire.
Of course, those of us who surf the net on a shoestring budget tend to still be using these things. It wouldn't be so bad being stuck in second gear when cruising down the Infobahn, except for the fact that everybody and their dog has to have a fancy Web site with all of the wowie-zowie graphics, Java applets, animated GIFs, bells and whistles that your Web broswer can handle before reducing your motherboard into a smoking puddle of silicon-laced plastic goop on your desk. These sites can take FOREVER to load with a 28.8 modem, much longer with a 14.4. And when the things are finally loaded, one finds that if they had any sense, they would have pounded furiously on the "stop" button hours ago.
Of course, for some of us interepid netsurfers out there, a slow modem can be a blessing in disguise. If you suffer through boring web page loads, why not consider taking up a new hobby? I mean, you could easily polish off a novel or two during the time you spend waiting on the Web, or maybe even paint a masterpiece (if you're terrible at art, you will have plenty of time to hone your skills. If you choose a site with enough animated GIFS and Java applets, you may even paint a painting worth millions! Think of how long that would keep you in computer upgrades, pizza and Coke...) You say that you spend all of your spare time on the Internet? Just think of all the spare time you're wasting while you use your spare time on the Net! It would be easy to fit a second hobby in there (or a first hobby, if the Net happens to be an obsession...)
And for those of you out there who still surf the Net with modems slow enough to have baud rates as opposed to bits per second (you know who you are,) I understand what you must go through. If you tried to use a graphical browser, you'd probably die of old age waiting for your home page to load, and if you used a text browser, you'd find almost no content whatsoever (except for sites where sarcastic computer geeks rant about how stupid computers are. There are others out there. Again, you know who you are...) With this column, I try to maintain a high text-to-graphics ratio in order to keep load times down and content high. I will use the occasional graphic here and there, but for the most part, I focus on the text. What's the point in looking at a site if all you can see are a bunch of pretty pictures?
Ok, enough ranting for now, I think I'll throw in a status report on the den. A new record has been set for the longest time having cases on one of our computers (17 hours) as the hard drive upgrade planned for this weekend was delayed due to disturbances in the space-time continuum. I'll let you all know when this happens. I am also planning to take some pictures of the den this week, and put them up here on the site. Watch for those within the next few weeks. Unfortunately, the effect will be lost somewhat because of some recent cleaning in the area. Oh well, I guess you can't win 'em all... It doesn't matter if you win or lose, as long as you make sure the other guys feel guilty about it.